When You Learn to Know Your Own Body
When you live with illness or symptoms for a long time, something happens.
You start to know your body in a way you never needed to before.
You notice small changes.
How your energy feels when you wake up.
When your body starts telling you to stop.
What tends to make a bad day worse.
What actually helps.
And what does not help at all.
After a while, you can become very familiar with your own body.
How It Often Starts
It can be small things.
A particular kind of tiredness.
A change in the pain.
Your mind gets slower.
Your body feels heavier.
You notice that something is heading in the wrong direction before it gets really bad.
You do not learn this from a book.
You learn it by living in the same body every day.
When You Start Listening Earlier
Many people are used to pushing through.
Just a little more.
Finish this first.
Rest later.
Keep going because that is what you have always done.
That does not always work anymore.
After enough times, you start to recognise what happens when you go too far.
And maybe you start stopping earlier.
Not because you have become weaker.
But because you know what it costs to keep going.
Your Body Does Not Always Follow the Plan
It can still be frustrating.
You have decided to do something.
You want to do it.
Everything is planned.
And then you wake up with a body that has a completely different idea about the day.
It takes time to get used to that.
Because wanting to do something and having the capacity to do it are not the same thing.
You can want something very much and still need to change the plan.
Over time, it may become less of a negotiation.
You recognise what your body is telling you.
Not today.
Or:
Today I can.
That knowledge matters.
When No One Else Can See It
The problem is that much of what you can feel very clearly cannot be seen from the outside.
Pain is not always visible.
Fatigue is not visible.
Brain fatigue is not visible.
You can stand up, talk and look completely fine while your body is telling you something very different.
And then the questions come.
“But you looked fine?”
“You managed yesterday?”
“Can't you just come along for a little while?”
“Have you tried exercising more?”
It can become exhausting.
Having to Explain All the Time
Eventually, it can feel as though you are giving the same explanation over and over again.
Why you need to rest.
Why you say no.
Why you could do something last week but cannot do it today.
Why something small can be too much.
Why you cannot simply push yourself a little harder.
And the strange thing is that you may already have spent years trying to understand all of this yourself.
You know your body.
You know what usually happens.
And yet you can still end up having to argue for your own experience.
You Do Not Always Have to Explain
Sometimes other people need information.
That is part of life.
But every decision about your body does not have to become a discussion.
You can say no without giving a long medical explanation.
You can rest without first proving that you need it.
You can change a plan when your body changes.
And you can know something about your own body that someone else cannot see.
Knowledge Built Over Time
Knowing your body does not mean you will always understand it.
Your body can still surprise you.
Good days can turn into bad ones.
Bad periods can change.
New symptoms can appear.
But over time, you build experience.
You start to know the difference between being tired and being completely drained.
Between being able to continue and knowing it is time to stop.
Between a day when a little more is possible and a day when your body needs less.
That is knowledge.
Not knowledge you necessarily wanted to need.
But knowledge you have gained by living in your own body.
And it is worth listening to.